Friday, June 1, 2012

Why do I seek the approval of others so much?

I was reading here today:

John 12 Amplified Bible:

   42 And yet [in spite of all this] many even of the leading men (the authorities and the nobles) believed and trusted in Him. But because of the Pharisees they did not confess it, for fear that [if they should acknowledge Him] they would be expelled from the synagogue;

   43 For they loved the approval and the praise and the glory that come from men [instead of and] more than the glory that comes from God. [They valued their credit with men more than their credit with God.]

So the question for me is, "Why do I regard the approval of man so much?" I get angry with myself that I care so much about what people think of me. I am so worried about my reputation and yet I should be more worried about doing what is right and what is inside of me. I need to be willing to live out loud. Another question for me is, "Am I ashamed of Jesus?" Sometimes I am trying to be so "cool" to impress other people and I am always poking fun at the norm, but sometimes I poke fun at Christian norms. I tend to question everything, but this makes me look cynical. I really do love Jesus and I believe and trust that He is the Son of God, even though I have never seen Him with my eyes. I wish I did not live in so much doubt. I am always questioning myself and my judgment and always looking for approval from so many people. What a trap this is. God please take this away from me and help me not to seek the nod of other people's head. If You nod your head at me, that is enough, that is all.

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